Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not

Things that make me happy:

- Moments you realize that you've really screwed up, but that everyone still loves you despite it.

- Finishing an art project, and being truly proud of the result.

- Playing music, and getting lost in it.

- Finishing a book with the knowledge that it somehow changed the way you look at things, though you can't quite put your finger on how.

- Hitting it off with someone as soon as you meet them.

- Enjoying the perfection of the natural world.

- Being around people who truly love God.

- Looking at pictures of how you used to be, remembering how you wanted to be, and thinking about how you are, and seeing how they compare.

- Talking to someone on the phone and hearing in their laugh that they're a bit nervous talking to you.

- Suffering a loss, and moving on, because it proves that you've emotionally matured.

- Being around someone with whom you know you share a mutual attraction

- Looking at someone when they're unaware, and getting a moment's glimpse of their true nature.

- Blue eyes.

And sometimes it's a sad song

You know, I've never been able to do stream of consciousness writing. Apparently some people can just sit down at a keyboard/notebook and write down the first things that pop into their heads and it ends up as an interesting rant, or something poetic. When I sit down at a keyboard the only things that pop into my head are song lyrics and simple sentences about shallow occurrences. When I write, it has to be with purpose, which is usually why I end up going on tirades on random topics. When I have a subject, I can go on all day.

Other things I can't do include whistling, skateboarding, waltzing, reading when there's any noise in the room, playing brass instruments, speaking French without sounding very American, and sitting through a horror movie without jumping spastically.

I'm still fighting this seemingly constant war with my mother caused by the discrepancies between her logic and mine. The latest battle: the debate of whether or not we will be allowed to go to VA due to a bad vibe felt by my maternal parent. The fact our trip might be cancelled doesn't bother me as much as the fact it doesn't surprise me. It seems I can't go half a week without getting into some disagreement about matters that I didn't even know were an issue. It also seems that our constant bickering could go under the generalized expectation that teenage daughters are bound to fight with their mothers. In which case, I'll be again disappointed by how stereotypical I really am, despite what I'd like to think. But how am I supposed to know whether those surges of irrationality are real, or if they're only perceived as such through my own teenage irrational mind?

I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm also tired of being frustrated. Maybe that's why I've been out walking/running/biking/climbing more than usual. It's a good way to forget about things and enjoy the activity.

Fireworks displays are another good distraction. They never fail to awe me.

Look around if you ever miss me

Fahrenheit 9/11: Overrated. Moore really went over the top with this movie, slinging insults left and right with little humor and making rather large and improbable accusations. Some of the things he was criticizing Bush for were also simply unjustified. For example, as one critic stated, the movie bashed the president for taking 7 minutes to spring into action when he found out about the attacks on the WTC. But say he immediately sprung to his feet and dashed out of the room. He'd have been criticized for being too eager to hurry into the war, or worse, for knowing about it all along. I'm not even a fan of the guy, but I was silently defending him throughout the entire thing. One and a half stars.

Spiderman 2: I loved it. I'm a sucker for emotional subplotlines, well done action sequences, and Tobey Maguire, so with the three of them together, I was entranced. There was only a couple parts I didn't like, mostly because they were a bit cheesy, but as my friend Kyle said, I was emotionally invested throughout the entire thing. And to have audience members actually care what happens to the characters in a movie is a pretty good accomplishment. Three and a half stars.

Independence day is in two days. I'm never sure how to react to this holiday. On one hand, I'm really not patriotic at all and treat the day with relative indifference. Actually, my extreme surge of annoyance when people talk during fireworks and the national anthem is about the extent of my patriotism. On the other hand, I know it means a lot to other people, and that makes me wish it meant more to me.

I think I value silence more than most other things in life.

Habits I need to work on:

- Underestimating people

- Not really thinking before speaking

- Cracking my knuckles when I'm nervous

- Staring at people (something I never realized I did, or that people found it unnerving. Not even so much staring as just watching people's mannerisms. Apparently it's discomforting.)