I have a friend. He is made mostly of pain.

There are only three, maybe four, people in this world about whom I say with sincerity that I don't particularly like. There are plenty others who have traits that I dislike, but for the overall person I'm either in favor or apathetic. I never dislike anyone immediately, since I treat the term "dislike" with the same conversational weight that most people might treat the word "hate," so those who do fall into that category had to earn their place there; I always have a fairly specific and individualized reason for disliking the people I do. I've also noticed, though, that those lucky few have one primary trait in common: they seem to lack this basic sense of empathy that I base all my actions on.

It's ridiculously easy to get back on my good side, too. I think that above trait just renders those special people incapable of doing it.

I've also started to become increasingly annoyed with patterns of behavior that I can't seem to break off from. I think I'm a perfectionist in the most inconvenient way possible.

Things Consuming My Life Right Now:
- Speech (+)
- School (-)
- Gilmore Girls (+)
- Having friends (+)
- Staying warm (-)

..2 days until Thanksgiving
.........9 days until my birthday
............12 days until my next speech meet
......................22 days until Cathi's birthday

"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."

The story is in the soil, keep your ear to the ground

Time really needs to move faster.

So, I have this theory that Christianity in America is like the magical community in Harry Potter.

Rationale: Both consist of a group of people who feel they have some sort of huge knowledge about the world that the other half does not. Both have terms for the people and activities not in their group ("muggle" and "secular," respectively). Both have people who attempt to live in both worlds simultaneously. Both see the news and events that concern the muggle/secular world a little differently due to their magic-ness/Christain-ness, and both have news, music, products, and merchandise that pertains only to them. Both are based on excruciatingly thick books and are the basis of several movies.

Except for the whole "Christians think Harry Potter will result in the demoralization, degeneration, and general implosion of our children" thing, I think it works.

The other day I was looking through an old desk drawer for manila envelopes with which to send my college transcripts, and I found a project I had to do back in 4th grade. It's a little book about me and my family, and each page has some connection to something we learned that unit, like similies ("My family is a colorful rainbow!"), adjectives ("snacking"?), haikus, and the like. I'll now present you with the acrostic poem I made of my name:

Lovable
Ice Cream
No Bad Grades
Does Love Dogs
Artistig

Much Laughter
A Smart Family
Ready for Anything
Tuna Lovers
Idea Machines
Neverending

Ice cream? Or more importantly, tuna? Besides the fact that I didn't know how to spell "artistic," my favorite parts have to be my inability to come up with a "D" word and the vague reference to immortality.

You might not get it right, or you might realize that it's too late

I've noticed whenever I write in here I usually take whatever I'm thinking about, then conceptualize, generalize, and ambiguify it until it turns into the topical rants we all know and love. It's kind of a trying process.

No, "ambiguify" isn't a word.

I'm trying to figure out when, exactly, I became the kind of person who speaks her opinion without concern for what the response might be. This is a quality I think other people sometimes shoot for, but I don't know how much I like it. While not being burdened by the agony of striving for the approval of the general public is a pretty good idea, I still care about the feelings and opinions of those I talk to, and I'd hate to be one of those people who regularly hurts or offends others and has to be explained for by friends with a "she didn't mean that; she just wasn't thinking."

I'm also hoping that the feeling of terror that grips me every time I think about my first speech tournament will go away within the next couple weeks.

Actually, I guess that whole "speaking your mind thing" would be fine if you're ideally composed, humble, mature, and wise enough to always say the right thing. So as an alternative I guess I could just strive for utter perfection.

12 - Days until speech tournament #1.
8 - Final count of years Z will have worked for Neuqua.
3 - Total number of colleges I applied to.
5 - Months Northwestern might make me wait for a response.
0 - Days I've gone without a college conversation since August.
3 - Number of people who really caught me off guard this weekend.
24 - Days until I'm 18.

"If we were not something more than unique human beings, if each one of us could really be done away with once and for all by a single bullet, storytelling would lose all purpose. But every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world’s phenomena intersect, only once in this way and never again. That is why every man’s story is important, eternal, sacred; that is why every man, as long as he lives and fulfills the will of nature, is wondrous, and worthy of every consideration."

(It's from Demian. If you haven't, you should probably read that.)