Stay and see the smoke, and who's still standing when it clears

LTotW:

- I think one of my favorite parts of speech tournaments is giving nicknames to the various competitors from other schools whom members of our team have become familiar with, but don't know the names of. So far there's Soft Spoken Boy, Feathered 80's Hair Guy, Skeazy Trenchcoat Guy, Babyfaced Kid, Lavender Coat Girl, The Glide, and Guy Who Looks Down His Nose At Everyone. That last one needs work.

- I've heard back from 2/3 of the colleges I've applied to so far! Not hearing from the third for another few months puts me in an irritating state of paralysis in the meantime! Yeah!

- There are signs posted all around school promoting the Multi-Cultural Show. It occurred to me that I'm a little disappointed in the fact that I'll never be able to participate in that kind of activity because while I do, in fact, have a culture, it's not a heritage easily put into a performance art format. Unless anyone wants to see me make sausage and be conquered by Germany.

- I'm officially attempting to be employed by Kohl's. As I've been filling out applications and re-evaluating what it is I'd like in a job and what I, for sanity's sake, need to avoid, I've started to wonder exactly how I survived four months at Build-A-Bear without becoming some sort of squeaky voiced, cheerleader-perky, glitter wearing, love spreading robot.

- I've started to become increasingly aware of just how much more I respect honesty than flattery.

"The more absurd the proposition he was advancing, the prouder he was of it, because it takes a very great intelligence to breathe logical meaning into meaningless ideas."

I'm becoming the part that didn't last

You know, I've been in a relatively good mood (barring the occasional inexplicable off day) for about three months straight. My classes are seniorific, two art periods a day suits me, I've come to terms with tech, speech no longer intimidates me, none of my friends hate me, I'm managing my time in a stress-free manner, and I'm really excited for the next few weeks. I just thought I'd let everyone know, so that whenever I start to complain about something I can be irritatingly reminded that I have nothing to complain about.

Linda + Online Magnetic Poetry:
"Though they say chocolate is a big secret, always remember, sweet things are a must around mean people."
"If I told you God put a big laser somewhere nearby, would you believe in heaven?"
"You like women? Man, you are such a tool."
"You can only create raw art when the canvas is drunk with paint. It's a metaphor."

I think it should be my new goal to try to figure out if websites like xanga, myspace, and facebook are so popular more because of ordinarily suppressed innate human vanity or ordinarily suppressed innate human nosyness.

Did you know there was a psychologist who reversed specific nerve endings in a salamander's brain so that it reacted oppositely to things? If pricked by a needle in the foot, when the salamander would try to jerk the foot up away from the pain, it would instead be forced downwards. Psychologists suck.

(1/19) - Semester ends!
(1/28) - Speech ends!
(2/3) - Tech ends!
...(5/25) - School ends!

"Ugh, my brain is full. It has reached capacity. It's Shea Stadium when the Beatles played. It's cramped and girls are screaming and I think George is fighting with Ringo."

Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind

So, The fact that my parents are divorced has never seemed like a big deal to me. I only have one or two memories of when they weren't separated, neither of which are horrifying or scarring, and my dad has remained nearby and on at least bearable if not amicable terms with my mom. Plus, I've always accepted their mindset of "it's better off this way." Actually, I usually find myself a little surprised that other people's parents aren't divorced, because it's what I consider the norm.

I realized a little while ago, though, that because of the whole divorce thing, I really don't have any conception at all of what love is. Obviously, I love my family and they love me (*rainbow*), I love my friends and they love me (*hug*), I love Jesus and He loves me (*redemption*), but I'm a little lost on the whole daily, committed, marital, Fred and Ethel, "'til death" love. My closest resource is my dad and stepmom, but their relationship is unique enough and I'm around it sporadically enough that it doesn't really function properly as an example.

That's not to say I'm going to go about my life groaning loudly about how I'll never find true love because I don't know what it looks like. I think I have about as good a chance as anybody of stumbling onto it eventually. It just seems to me that we divorcee-from-birth kids have somewhat of a limited perspective. Kids with married parents know what it looks like to see a couple deal with real issues, manage time, and maintain a (hopefully) healthy, loving relationship. Kids who've had parents divorce later in life know what it looks like for a couple to attempt all that and fail, and either learn from it or lose faith in love entirely. Kids like me have never seen a day-to-day marriage in action, successful or not, outside of TV, movies, and friends.

I think my biggest concern is that when I do get married (assuming I do actually get married and don't instead suddenly have the urge to buy lots of cats and be extremely territorial about my lawn), I'm going to be a little out of the loop when it comes to being prepared for what is to come, not knowing what to aspire to or what to avoid. I'm probably going to expect the lovey-dovey, "ride off into the sunset" phase of my relationship to last forever, and when that shifts into what's accepted as a normal, more stable marital rhythm, I'm going to instead think something's not right.

And if I really do take my cues from television and movies, I will expect to at some point have an affair that will either devastate or somehow strengthen my marriage, be the picture perfect Donna Reed housewife, or become a zany mother with a lazy husband and hilarious children whose problems never last more than three days.

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."