Drop a heart, break a name

As mature as I pretend to be, I really need to just grow up sometimes.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been rereading some books that I used to read six or so years ago, and I've started to notice just how much of my sense of humor, writing style, vocabulary, attitude, and, actually, my personality in general has been shaped by what I absorbed in those novels. I'm sure things like friends, family, and every day living had a big hand in who I am right now, too, but I'm equally confident that some more subtle things, like my vast appreciation for irony and understatement, the way I phrase sentences in my papers, my sardonic sense of humor, and my grasp of some of the more basic philosophies of life were gathered via literature.

And people wonder why I love English so much. Think of the impact you could have on people's lives. It's a shame I suck at narrative fiction writing so much or I'd consider pursuing it as a career (my preferred writing style is expository, followed by persuasive, and though I suppose I could write nonfiction books on literary analysis and rhetoric, I really don't think that particular genre would really capture and ignite the hearts and minds of my readers like I'd hope).

You know what I've always wondered? How the heart gets involved with emotions like it does. "Tugging at your heartstrings" is a largely metaphorical phrase, but by listening to a certain song or watching a certain movie or saying goodbye to a certain person there is definitely a physical sensation present somewhere in or around the heart. Considering the heart's only bodily purpose is to keep blood flowing, it doesn't seem to me like it should have any more emotional connection to the body than, say, the lungs or the brain. Think of how either of those images would have changed Valentine's Day as we know it. I'm sure an anatomy lesson would clear this up for me.

Recommended listening: Les Miserables soundtrack

Things that I was sure of then have filled me up with doubt

You know what I love? Those instances when you discover that some little quirk you have that you thought was weirdly unique is actually fairly universal. Such as: Lots of people, when a window is down in the car, will stick their hands out and draw imaginary lines around the objects they pass. Lots of people have odd deja vu-like instances when they suddenly realize they've previously dreamt the moment they're currently experiencing. Lots of people play through conversations in their heads and sometimes accidentally start making external facial reactions to their internal monologue.

I've long since come to that inevitable conclusion that nothing I will ever think, or probably do, will ever be original, because honestly, in the history of time, what chance does some random teenager have of coming to any groundbreaking philosophical conclusions? But even considering that, sometimes I still somehow think that I am solely responsible for some trait. Like, say, my habit of creating constantly changing instinctual judgments of people.

I think if I could go back in time to another decade I'd want to be a teenager in the 50's, when feminism was largely nonexistent, conformity was a good thing, and people more or less trusted the government. Comparing the two lifestyles would be nifty.

Hooray for the last threads of classes, not so far away friends, oil paint, and the good people at ACT.

So this is how liberty dies - to thunderous applause

I saw Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (I had to look up the appropriate punctuation. Colon, then hyphen) tonight. Despite some rocky dialogue and some other minor qualms I enjoyed it. I believe the concluding theme was that love makes you do some freakin' stupid things.

Actually, I guess it makes sense that they had it that way. If the only reason Anakin joined the dark side was to wield supreme power he wouldn't have much internal turmoil nor gain much sympathy from the audience. Basing unwise decisions off a deep infatuation is at least relatable, and I imagine that kind of emotional familiarity helps make the audience not hate Anakin completely. One dimensional, power-driven motive would make for a much less interesting movie.

Though it might have prevented that inane, overdramatic "NOOOOO!" at the end.

I think it's interesting how the Star Wars films have developed societally over the last 30 years or so. In that limbo time between when the old 4-6 movies were out and before the new 1-3 ones were announced, Star Wars was a relatively nerdy thing to be a fan of, I believe. Though most people at the moment probably still wouldn't be caught dead at a convention, with the onset of the new movies the series became a pretty popular, even trendy, thing to be excited over. There were an awful lot of people claiming utter undying devotion to George Lucas this week. I guess you could blame it partially on the fact that Star Wars is marketed by pretty much every brand on the face of the earth, and perhaps, if you believe in that sort of thing and considering the content of the films, intergalactically.

When nerdy things become cool. See also: Lord of the Rings. I think this was even more of an explosion of fans due to the fact that books generally don't attract nearly so wide an initial fan base as movies do. I imagine the die-hard, convention attending fans get a little indignant when this sort of thing happens.

End of class count: 8 days

I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)

Something I think is funny: The fact that people complain about no one knowing "the real" them. I believe that it's possible for people to shelter a perhaps more natural side of themselves from the general public to the point where their internal and external lives are polar opposites, but if you're a person who does that, in what way is it not your fault? I believe it takes conscious effort to portray anything that's not the real you, and I'm a believer in not complaining about things that you have visible control over.

This week's Newsweek has an article in it regarding research that has been done proving that, indeed, not all teenagers are dangerous, mysterious, rebellious, inhuman walking crises suffering from various social and psychological disorders. Studies show that some of them grow up to be normal, functional adults. Scientists are weird.

Friday night - Prom + (Godspell x Taco Bell) = Well spent evening

I've decided if I ever get the chance, I'd like to make it one of my lifelong goals to spend 2-3 years working tech for a professional theatre. Not a permanent career, just to see what it's like.

Other life goals I have include to sell one piece of art, to visit and/or live in a country outside of the US, and to read the entire Bible.

Save your breath, go work in retail and spare the suspense

Damn Yankees is over. It was fun, but I'm really not too sad.

Prom's on Friday and I'm not going. It'd probably be fun, but I'm really not too sorry.

Today I missed my AP English test and made Jessica miss hers too due to my slacktastic listening skillz. That I am sad and sorry about.

Things that amuse me:

- Those commercials for men's hygiene products that try to compensate for being vaguely feminine by trying to sound overly masculine ("Don't be like a woman, use OUR moisturizing lotion and be a man").

- The fact that a girl I know just IMed me with the phrase "Linda!! I heard!!" She "heard" about my testing debacle from a girl I didn't even talk to today. Apparently my English goings-ons have the capacity of becoming rumors. Incidentally, the same thing happens when I wear skirts.

- When other people get really, really excited about things that I take for granted.

- "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch" was a serious band name that went platinum.

- Current fashion. I think we're currently trying to bring the 60's, 70's, and 80's back all at once into some mass, ultimately laughable resurgence.