Can't sell your soul for peace of mind

Movies (that is to say, movies that don't involve lots of exploding, murder, or suspense... so pretty much romantic comedy-esque films) have a strange effect on me. I mean besides the girly "awww" effect, which is a given, and neither strange nor, I believe, the true reason I like them so much. When I watch those movies, for those few hours I get really engaged in the characters (because I'm your average media tool, I'm easily engaged in characters). And somewhere in the back of my mind I actually believe that what I'm watching is life, and that those perfect movie moments with beautiful people and flawlessly timed conversations will actually happen, and to me.

So when the movie ends, I feel good until I'm a little let down by the realization that Orlando Bloom isn't in love with me, and my world suddenly seems a little worse for not being more Hollywood. Conversations are so much less smooth, situations are always less straightforward, and, let's face it, most people are moderately less attractive. Actually, there are only roughly four truly movie-esque moments that I can recall noting in my life, which makes me smile until I think about how I'm comparing my life to a multi-million dollar industry, whose sole purpose is to manipulate people like me to think how I do. Then I smile again, but more ironically.

You know, I don't think I'd be happy in your average romantic-comedic scenario anyway; I don't have the disposition for it. Then again, if anyone as appealing as your average movie star was attempting to woo me, my "disposition" might change.

Linda's Top 5 "Awww" Movies:

- 10 Things I Hate About You

- Pretty Woman

- Elizabethtown

- Ever After

- Shakespeare In Love

I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

1) In my head, I more or less consider Cathi and I twins and practically perfect equals. I don't consider either one of us particularly older, younger, smarter, prettier, more mature, or funnier than the other. The fact that she spent a year away in college and that we don't hang out as much anymore hasn't fazed this in the slightest.

2) I'm really flighty. I can change my mind about almost anything with no explanation except waking up to a new day. I like to look at the positive aspects of this, such as being able to empathize with multiple points of view, but it really kind of sucks for the people this tendency can affect.

3) I'm horrible at recognizing sarcasm unless I know the speaker well. I'll take statements seriously and only after a few moments will I realize the lack of sincerity and cover it up by playing along. Thankfully I've surpassed this point with most people I talk to, but every so often it makes for a rather awkward situation.

4) I sometimes make myself a hypocrite. I'll realize something about myself that I don't like, and then make some general statement about how I hate it when "people" have that quality. I think the idea is that saying it aloud might incite me to change, but I imagine a lot of times it just makes me, you know, a hypocrite.

5) I don't think dead baby jokes, drugs, most slapstick/physical comedy, or political cartoons are funny. Sorry.

6) I don't like committing myself to things. I don't like making plans too far in advance; taking decisive and unalterable action makes me nervous, and one of the only reasons I'm not applying early to Northwestern is because of the fact that if I'm accepted, I can't get out of it.

7) There are a few things about me, a few opinions that I have, that I know won't change. When friends and family, with good intention and infinite wisdom, remind me of all the growing up and development I have yet to go through and assure me with a pat on the head that things will, indeed, change, I smile indulgently and nod, but I know myself better than that. I don't think that's something most people understand.

8) I suck at pretty much every sport I've ever tried, with the following exceptions: floor hockey, badminton, water polo, ultimate frisbee, and rock climbing.

Looking forward to:

• Spending a day with Schwammy!
• Beach house Halloween weekend!
• Variety show!
• Chrissy's birthday!
• Jenny's birthday!

They'll never hurt you like I do

LTotW:

- It occurred to me at tech the other day that I have a reputation. Not in the "good" or "bad" gossiping sense, just that the people surrounding me most of the time, whether I know them well or they just happen to be around, know who I am, what I'm like, and treat me accordingly. I think I'm going to miss that when I go off to CollegeLand and I won't have the same odd kind of "status" that I do now.

- Dancing, if that's what you'd like to call what happens when hip hop music comes over the speakers in large group social occasions, totally disgusts me. I'd rather spend the evening doing the hokey pokey then watch people orgy it up en masse. Actual dances, however, like salsa and swing, are skills I desperately would like to have under my belt.

- It's starting to smell like autumn, and I'm rather excited about it.

- I've been really short tempered lately. Most of the time it's moderately imperceptible, but if annoyed I'll say more acidly sarcastic things than usual, and I have absolutely no patience for irritations. I blame theatre.

- Have you ever noticed how, depending on the situation, friendly acquaintances can suddenly and easily either become your closest friends or deny all association with you? In a setting full of total strangers in which a random acquaintance is the only recognizable face, often they will instantly be the most valued companion you have. When surrounded by people both of you know, conversely, it's just as easy to pretend the two of you never met. It's odd.

If this is what you want, then fire at will

There's a very delicate balance in my head when it comes to how I perceive people. I admire confidence, but not too much confidence, which becomes arrogance. I respect and sympathize with people going through hard times (Charles Dickens reference count: 2), but if they wear their trauma like a banner, it puts me off. It's the difference between people who are obnoxiously intelligent and those who are discreetly intelligent, between people with low self esteem and people who fish for compliments, and between nice people and the people who pretend to be nice for popularity's sake. I think a lot of it depends on what I'm starting to believe is a somewhat inaccurate internal judgment of sincerity.

Though through this mindset I've discovered a new personal pet peeve: when people define maturity by landmark experiences, and think that it can only be gained after getting stabbed on "the street" and living a life of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Does moving out of your parents' house make you mature? How about smoking and getting drunk every night? Or holding a soul-sucking 9 to 5 job? It's a difficult, if not impossible, thing to judge by such extraneous standards.

Hooray for quickly passing school days, photoshop, clinging warmth, sleep, and effortless relationships.

Boo for sickliness, side effects, burning the roof of your mouth, and Mr. Flemming.