So, The fact that my parents are divorced has never seemed like a big deal to me. I only have one or two memories of when they weren't separated, neither of which are horrifying or scarring, and my dad has remained nearby and on at least bearable if not amicable terms with my mom. Plus, I've always accepted their mindset of "it's better off this way." Actually, I usually find myself a little surprised that other people's parents aren't divorced, because it's what I consider the norm.
I realized a little while ago, though, that because of the whole divorce thing, I really don't have any conception at all of what love is. Obviously, I love my family and they love me (*rainbow*), I love my friends and they love me (*hug*), I love Jesus and He loves me (*redemption*), but I'm a little lost on the whole daily, committed, marital, Fred and Ethel, "'til death" love. My closest resource is my dad and stepmom, but their relationship is unique enough and I'm around it sporadically enough that it doesn't really function properly as an example.
That's not to say I'm going to go about my life groaning loudly about how I'll never find true love because I don't know what it looks like. I think I have about as good a chance as anybody of stumbling onto it eventually. It just seems to me that we divorcee-from-birth kids have somewhat of a limited perspective. Kids with married parents know what it looks like to see a couple deal with real issues, manage time, and maintain a (hopefully) healthy, loving relationship. Kids who've had parents divorce later in life know what it looks like for a couple to attempt all that and fail, and either learn from it or lose faith in love entirely. Kids like me have never seen a day-to-day marriage in action, successful or not, outside of TV, movies, and friends.
I think my biggest concern is that when I do get married (assuming I do actually get married and don't instead suddenly have the urge to buy lots of cats and be extremely territorial about my lawn), I'm going to be a little out of the loop when it comes to being prepared for what is to come, not knowing what to aspire to or what to avoid. I'm probably going to expect the lovey-dovey, "ride off into the sunset" phase of my relationship to last forever, and when that shifts into what's accepted as a normal, more stable marital rhythm, I'm going to instead think something's not right.
And if I really do take my cues from television and movies, I will expect to at some point have an affair that will either devastate or somehow strengthen my marriage, be the picture perfect Donna Reed housewife, or become a zany mother with a lazy husband and hilarious children whose problems never last more than three days.
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."
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